Love

(Written on Saturday 4 June 2011)

If you know my style, you will know that I am one who is highly capable of being emotional at night.

Tonight, I feel emotional, not only because of my screwed-up performance in the interview early in the morning, but also because I've been thinking a lot. Lately, I have been missing my secondary school girls. I regard them as my closest clique, my closest group of girlfriends. But sometimes I really do feel scared, because I seemed to be disconnected to them. I know it takes two hands to clap, and a friendship should be maintained by both parties, but it doesn't help when I always feel busy. I am most afraid of the circumstance whereby, when people ask me out, my reply is that, I am busy due to assignments or tests, because the other party will most likely think - Since when are you not busy? You have test I don't have meh?

I know there's always Facebook. But the thing is, I am never active on facebook, occasionally I do try to be active, and comment here and there, just to show that I am alive. But, I feel sad when my friends post something that I can't seem to relate to, or when my friends are engaging in a funny conversation, I really want to join them and comment too, but I am afraid that they will find it weird and they will think I am an intruder because I rarely show my presence online, who am I to join the conversation? I would like to deactivate my facebook, but I don't want to feel even more disconnected.

So the point is, I will never trade my secondary school girls for anything. I don't want to be like a log drifting to the sea far far away. I want to have h2h talks. I hope nobody gets affected by this post because it's just one of my late-night emotional thoughts. They go away pretty fast.